i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
