If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
