Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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