White coat. Heels.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
