Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
