If i come over, it means nothing
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
