She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
