after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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