Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My vagina is very pro this idea
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
