It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
