I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
why is half of my head shaved?
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