I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
