yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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