I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
