i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i would one night stand the shit outta him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
