i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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