Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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