That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
