Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
