So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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