my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
