Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
