those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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