Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
