you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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