the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
People in love make me want to vomit
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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