Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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