my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
