Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
