Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
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We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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