He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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