I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
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I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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