GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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