I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize