No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
