i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
