She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
