He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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