I should be sponsored by Trojan
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
