He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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