Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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