Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize