I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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