you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
