I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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