No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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