If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
