I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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