dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
