I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
