Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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