i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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