ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
