More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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