she looked like the bat from fern gully.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
