how can u be prego again
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
