Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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