Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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