i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
