I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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